I've changed too much. Escaping used to be a huge part of my home life, I would dream and be happy. I was naive enough to convince myself to believing these dreams and they kept a steady pulse. I need that magic now more than ever. My imagination is waning but it's still there! I think if I start reading again I can get it going. Books will be my life support. HAH! I don't care if it means I have no life! I just want to get bac kto how I was in grade 4. I want to be ridiculously amused by what I have to offer myself. And maybe it will only take the small things to get it working. All I need is my daydreams and endless hope. Even if it means lying to myself. I need the fantasy back, the hope, the plan, the significance, I want it all back.
I used to be considered tomboyish. I would listen to Avril Lavigne, Sum41, Blink 182, the works! I liked playing video games on PS1 and even though I did wear it sometimes, I didn't like the colour pink. My favourite colour was purple. I had long wavy, brown hair which was much plainer than it is today. I was very chubby, even more than I am now. I hated my body and my life and how I never had a solid group of friends to depend on. All the girls in "the crowd" thought I was weird and some of them teased me. The boys teased me to. I had such a hard time with boys; trying to get along with them, trying to get them to like me and just to be treated like the other girls. But I wasn't treated the same. I don't know why exactly but i wasn't and it sure didn't feel good. I do believe it is the reason why I have trouble with guys and girls today.
No comments:
Post a Comment