Monday, August 30, 2010

I Can't Describe

Everything I feel, I feel so deeply. It's fascinating. It's always associated with music where I want to soak up all of the emotions and the feel of the songs. Feeling the words and sensing the emotions curved with every note or chord. I can understand that better than everything else.

Except when I listen to his music. When I listen to his music I am overwhelmed by it's complexity but easy-going melody.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Grammar Corrections from a Fictional Male

I'm not just angry as of today.
It's not that kind.
It's the kind of anger that is annoying and eating inside you. Pent up anger that no one could come close to comprehending.
It's the kind of anger that makes me want to say "I hate you" when I know that really isn't the case.
I hate what's become of you and how you pretend to see me. I hate those jokes you use to cover up the truth and reality.
If you want an escape go live with the Mennonites or take acid or drown in music's sweet, bottomless reverie.
Don't talk to me expecting that I'll just let things slide like everything you say is okay and never bothers me.
And don't wear a mask with me because I'm determined to see through it anyways.
Don't talk to me with the intention to be polite but be impolite when you disregard me with pity. It's selfish and sick.
And maybe we shouldn't talk at all.
Because I know these arguments don't show that you care.
They only show me how I've always been, Caring.

What is it worth if it means nothing to you?

It was the Brook Tree

That boy you grew up with...he's not a boy anymore. He's a man.
And now that you're not a little girl either, he sees you differently. He's sees you as an option, full potential. It's more of a confusing case than anything. But just because he's so hard to understand, decipher or get to knowing; don't let him go. No matter how much pain it is, no matter how many times you feel put down or left out. See all of that through because you have an idea. And when you have an idea, it's great and it can expand into something genuinely magnificent! Come now, you have the potential to make things better. You have incredible insight, the stuff that created chairs from trees and wheat into bread. Don't let these silly little barriers get in your way. And if along the way you discover that it only is what you see at face-value then before you quit, you better know you tried.

Dear you,
You're hurting me. There is something on your mind, or some feeling you have that you are keeping from me. This gets in the way. Every time we talk I feel like you're tense and will just shut down any minute. Of course I will end up feeling like i did something wrong. But I didn't, and I'm not. It's just you, and something about you. So what exactly am I to do? We've been friends for this long. Why are you letting me go like this? Why not be there to save it. But no, you don't want to. You couldn't possibly want to take the time out to try and know me. How far behind you'll be in knowing me after a few years. I hope you just remember, It's your choice. And it always has been because you always have the upper hand. I'm sick of you selecting the time of day where I'm "allowed" to talk to you because every other time you do your best to belittle me by saying something incredibly low and vile. Everything is a joke to you. All I ask is that you don't see me as one of your jokes.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Just Enough

A Penny for your thought?
Oh, I'm dreaming again
I'm in this scattered out
Fragile space

What's this word,
And this face
Is it pretend?
I need to erase
These skeptic beliefs

Trudging through,
one foot can reach very far
With a little trust
That just skimming by
Is not enough

Not too foolish
To be, honestly
Completely immersed,
I could be worse
Just so happen to be better than
Just enough


Cooooool your jets, Woman.
Jeez, I have to stop caring about what people think. Even if those people seem like they're planted so permanently in my life. In the end it only matters what I think and how I feel about myself. So let these posts make me appear as foolish, but one thing I've come to notice is that they're each the perfect cocktail of hopefulness, honesty and proving how I'm unashamed of who I am as a person. And that means alot to me. It's taken me such a long time to get to where I am now. And no matter how many times on-lookers or "permanent pedestrians" walk down the road of my life telling me that I'm twisting and changing...deep down I'll feel like the same girl who allowed ants to crawl all over her arm. The girl who sang with a tissue in her hand, attempting to clean the walls. The girl who's scared, but not a coward for showing it.

Express yourself.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Jumping to....Collisions!

I've been meaning to post this for a while!

I'll never know who that smile's for, through the camera lens.
And I'll never know what to believe out of what you say
Which thoughts coming from you are sent to me.
When it's all said, specifically
I'm breathing so I'm trying not to care.

I could only hope your regrets are few
Would it be asking for too much
To hope you have none?

Spill no lies from those lips
And think nothing about those dark hours
Cuz they're not yours
They're mine
That's the only thing I won't ever share with you
No, never again

Happy is the word
And it's all that matters for you
A transformation is coming along
with this all
Wrapped up in what we got
Caught up in your words
Tangled in myself
Breathing this
Fully immersed in
How will I ever forget?

I'm so far in,
that I'm not caring if you'll forget
tomorrow, it's your choice
You'll let me know
If the sparks fly just right
and the planets align
in a universe, we all miss.

Lonely minutes are just fine with me
And late nights and early mornings
Shine a light
Not too far in, no
I'm praying so
Not me again,
Not another fall.
Patience will make the call
The craziness of it all!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Night Raper

Staying up later than I should but it leaves my mind a chance to think freely. Burning the midnight oil for no reason in particular, for no reason of importance. At least there isn't a limit you could possibly exceed, if that were true i'd be saving these nights for hard times when typing up the last pages of an essay or assignment, project or lab report. It makes me wince just thinking about how soon, in just a month, school will win over me. I'll have no choice, and I hate it when I can't choose. Then again, I do appreciate it because it is only for the best and if everything were up to would always be put off to tomorrow. Tomorrow, such a sick comfort! I truly do wish i didn't seek comfort in another day, the future. Funny it being that the long term future scares me to shits. Not knowing is pretty scary, maybe a little risky and depressing. Living in this neighbourhood, so close to my elementary school and the friends I have--or had--during those years of road hockey and water fights. It all seems so ridiculously simple now and our worries then were few. This is why they tell you not to look back, the nostalgia of it all. Missing the past doesn't help you move forward and why waste time at all thinking up the past when you could be planning or doing something in the present. It's a struggle for everyone now. Don't buy yourself another fancy car or tub of ben & jerry's ice cream, don't look at those old photo albums or tiny shorts that you hardly got to wear--they were your favourite! Stop holding onto material things and think! Challenge yourself, exercise your mind for goodness sake. Document it if you will because things are not people, they're not memories. Memories are what you've kept safe in your mind. These things that you've shared, moments and laughs, mix of emotion, that's all you'll ever need to have with someone or of something or some place. Those souvenirs are forgotten and thrown away, these thoughts are what you experienced and thought, in your mind they'll stay. Pictures don't have to justify memories to you what you've experience although the invention is a beautiful thing. But expand your mind like everyone else use to HAVE to. Paint a picture in your mind, furnish a journal entry so detailed and well thought that you'll put Anne Frank's diary to shame.

Expand those horizons.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Building on Falsa's Character Background

I have this whole idea where 'Falsa's' character is derived from the gene of a serial killer, Oleg Walker. This would have happened when Falsa's mother opted for a sperm donor. Somewhere throughout the process she got a faulty gene when there was a complication with the filtering system, to terminate this gene when it instead was left in the 'approved' section. This went unnoticed and it wasn't until Oleg Walker was arrested when they investigated the whole situation. As for Falsa, she discovers her 'true self' when a heart-to-heart with her 'BFF' turns into strangling and complete confusion. After Falsa explains how she has been feeling to her friend, she surprisingly decides to keep this quiet.

Falsa is known as a player, easy, flirty and a party animal. The HOTTEST guy in high school is Roman, the stereotypical jock. Her friends seem to think that Falsa BELONGS with him but that just proves how little they know her.