Wednesday, July 4, 2012

This Delicate Distance

Should he break the silence with the smacking of his lips and speak so confidently without a noticeable hesitation, it would please her greatly. He does know when to speak, she realizes he might--as she does--find the silence as a pleasant breath to encourage thought. Are their thoughts similar? Limitations are often her enemy and she faces them willingly always bending and destroying them, she sees them as a threat or infringement on an option she feels she rightfully deserves to have at her disposal. Little does she know that these limitations are present only to serve the purpose of keeping her sanity intact. Maybe if he reached out to her in the shadows of night while no one was around, she would gladly accept. If he reached out to touch her hand just now she wouldn't make a sound, unless in contempt, and smile as though this moment were complete. Just maybe he would take the risk and join her in the mass destruction of limitations and complete all of the moments in the days of a lifetime with her. Such strength and courage does not exist for a reason, just like how a love created by a girl altering time to be with her perfect man would set off the balance of nature and the overall precedent of relationships in society. No, this delicate distance must stay impenetrable. One can only dream.


I should be sleeping but I choose to think instead. I need to read and write more, sleep deprives me of time, and lack of sleep deprives me from the energy I need to keep up with the fulfilling of the things I have the desire to do with a day. Time doesn't limit me but my fear and doubt limits my motivation. I want to be as well equiped with motivation as any other person, though I suppose it's all in my hands.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

I'm a Nut, Here's What is in my Nutty Nutshell

Since I made a Tumblr account I haven't bothered with this blog at all. It's a little sad. Well, the saddest part is that I write these posts as if I'm addressing a mass of people when really I know that isn't the case because I haven't been receiving any comments or interest in my blog from anyone at all. I hoped that by making a blog I would not only get my words out for myself as a strategy for coping but to spread my words to other people beyond my reach. Maybe it's yet to come,  I don't know.

In a nutshell:
My heart has been skimmed and bruised and smacked against a metaphorical pavement
I have not lost weight but probably mildly gained.
My face is still pleasant to look at, alright?
I still write in my journal.
I've written more really cliche songs. Meh, songs regardless.
I'm going to be in grade 12 next year so I am shitting my pants thinking of what the hell I want to do when I get out of this superficial rite of passage in my young adult life.
I do not have a boyfriend, hence the bruising of my heart--boy in plaid did end up with girl-with-frog-in-her-throat. Har har, I predicted it see!
I do have a problem where I fall in like with impossible people. Impossible because I aim for mature guys i'll never be able to be with.
I'm the worst child for my parents cuz I don't like to be told.
I need a job
I enjoy coffee and Mike's hard lemonades way too much. (not mixed together..yuck.)
Music is my life.
Cottage is my sanctuary.
Keeping myself as busy as possible this summer so I don't have time for feeling sorry or disappointed in myself or missing anyone or being pathetic and feeling lonely. Cause that hole is a shitty one and it's so damn hard to crawl out of cause I hear they gots cookies on the dark side.

Boo hoo skadoo.