Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Pretend you're okay with it as long as I'm Happy, World!

His body is a flawless figure, the perfect specimen of man. His skin soft and stature lean but not quite muscular. He reminds me of a wolf; the scruffy lone wolves that roam around with their deep eyes and neverending gaze. In the first few weeks of being with him, that gaze would provoke a nervousness inside me; the kind that made me question my judgment. Now, his staring eyes are warm and full of wonder--there's a matter-of-fact sureness in those eyes.
I'd dreamt he and I were coming close to confronting my parents of our "plan to finally date each other" despite what obstacles they might think would come with the age gap. He was sure as he was in real life, but then, in a short instant, everything changed. He told me to forget about the whole thing, as if he didn't want to deal with the drama of it all. In a fit of rage and upset I literally ran and told my parents with the idea that if I just got it over with that maybe he wouldn't leave. I'm haunted by that small fear that the person I truly love will disappear.

We make love and bask in the delicate high of the chemicals stewing due to eachother's efforts. Is there anything more relaxing and naturally enjoyable to induce/experience with another being?
It's a mistake and almost an expectation to wish to be tangled with him all the nights of my life because I am refusing believe in a forever. But it makes me feel safe and secure knowing I can here and now. Safe and secure to know it is possible. I'm not under his spell or "brainwashing", I've made my own sick bed and I'll lie in it. The irony in the use of the word "lie."