Sunday, December 26, 2010

It's in What You Do

The river says,
"I killed a girl today"
She didn't know how to swim.
The montain whispers,
"A man froze away"
He climbed too high.
We find our keys
We think we're
Entitled to open doors
But we fail to read the warning signs
How many times
We ask ourselves
How many fall behind
When the rest follow our paths
Oh, well it does take a certain kind
To draw a line
And cross it.
The stairs say, "he shouldn't have tried"
too old to do such a task.
The vehicle explains, "he shouldn't drive"
when he's had one too many sips from his flask
We tell ourselves we've done it before;
We think it won't matter
If it's one more time
Until that one becomes our last.
When clouds fade
and trees sway,
And breezes are only soft
When those waves
are a part of happy days
and drinking is all good fun
If you have the key don't take advantage
'Cause unlike a cat
with nine lives,
We only have one.

This little piggy went to Best Buy, this little piggy went to Holt, this little piggy bought Uggs, this little piggy went senile.

If being my own person is lame, I'll still do it. They lie to themselves every day when they copy every thing they see in magazines, tv shows, celebrities and richs. You live in Toronto and okay maybe you have two working parents but do you think it is considerate to always put yourself first? When I see the same plastered smiles on the faces that I see in the halls at school I wonder, "have you ever cleaned a dish in your life? Do you ever help out?" Once again, I'm overanalystic. To be honest I don't care what they do. I do care when I'm expected to be the same as everyone else. No matter how strong you try to be or how strong you try to convince yourself to be, you'll still feel the pressure. This generation, I don't know why exactly but, they can't cope with diversity. Frowning at those who wear dark clothes and don't wear cover-up, claiming that people who don't buy the same expensive clothes and material items are "too poor" to get these things. It's a kind of mature thing called choice. I encourage that boys: man up and be your own genuine self. Wear plaid with pink pants or the red hat your grandmother knitted for you when you were twelve. Girls: stop the insecurity, if you have to cover yourself with make-up and expensive clothing how will you ever feel validated by others for who you truly are? You could say, it's their own fault for judging me by what a wear or what I buy but, it doesn't end there. They also expect you to act the same way and go to the same places, they expect that you have abandoned your values aswell and you should prefer getting to know how many drinks it takes to get your girlfriends drunk as opposed to getting to know their personalities.
We all have flaws; flaws are great, amazing. However, this specific topic i've mentioned is not a flaw, it is a way of life. Culture is changing for the worst. Just...keep...going...with...the...flow. Time doesn't heal everything, you losers! At best, you're making the corporate people happy.

DON'T WORRY, WE CAN ALL SLEEP AT NIGHT JUST FINE. As long as you've got your blackberry or iphone under your pillow and your ipad fully charged.

BTW--I DO enjoy knew gadgets, don't get the wrong impression.

Tell Myself Stories

I like to hide in my books. I let myself be completely enveloped by every word I read and lived my life through these fictional characters. Maybe some day I hope I can be them...that maybe I'll wake up to a sunlit room, look in the mirror and see someone else. That someone would make me smile, be sure and confident. THat person would fly through life and intrigue everyone and everyone would want to be my friend or go out with me. But that isn't exactly how it works, I realize. So...what's so bad about living a double life? The half of you is in a fictional world you either create or read off of the thin pages of a ridiculously romantic story. Maybe if I keep the sentiment going and keep believing in it...maybe on day I'll have my own intricate lifestyle. In the grand scheme of things we all have great stories if you see your life as a whole. No, I don't think I'll be alone and depressed. I'll probably still be an analyst but i'll be my own character with my own hidden story. My only wish is that it will be memorable, maybe that I too would be remembered.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Santa, I want the Wholesome ME back...

I've changed too much. Escaping used to be a huge part of my home life, I would dream and be happy. I was naive enough to convince myself to believing these dreams and they kept a steady pulse. I need that magic now more than ever. My imagination is waning but it's still there! I think if I start reading again I can get it going. Books will be my life support. HAH! I don't care if it means I have no life! I just want to get bac kto how I was in grade 4. I want to be ridiculously amused by what I have to offer myself. And maybe it will only take the small things to get it working. All I need is my daydreams and endless hope. Even if it means lying to myself. I need the fantasy back, the hope, the plan, the significance, I want it all back.

I used to be considered tomboyish. I would listen to Avril Lavigne, Sum41, Blink 182, the works! I liked playing video games on PS1 and even though I did wear it sometimes, I didn't like the colour pink. My favourite colour was purple. I had long wavy, brown hair which was much plainer than it is today. I was very chubby, even more than I am now. I hated my body and my life and how I never had a solid group of friends to depend on. All the girls in "the crowd" thought I was weird and some of them teased me. The boys teased me to. I had such a hard time with boys; trying to get along with them, trying to get them to like me and just to be treated like the other girls. But I wasn't treated the same. I don't know why exactly but i wasn't and it sure didn't feel good. I do believe it is the reason why I have trouble with guys and girls today.