Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Like trying to find a Light Switch in the Dark

I envy how he's able to analyse so deeply, the root to his sorrow; his expanding existential crisis.

Because it's much smarter and "admirable" than thinking, crying and obsessing over miniscule issues and over-analyzing the emptiness of everyone surrounding me. Yeah, that's what I ridiculously do and it's embarrassing even to myself--I'm embarrassing myself. Deeply, I'm really mostly upset because I lack that modern apathy that, i'm sorry to marginalize, I recognize in most people with divorced parents. Talking to him, being with him is like walking through a dark room--tripping over unknown, miscellaneous objects that bruise and scrape and hurt me--in search of a light switch. Then at the end of the day when no messages are sent and conversation is short and lacking substance, as if I just smashed my knee into an obstacle in the darkness, I tell myself "Careless me! I should be more careful next time, wouldn't want to reveal myself and ruin it all!" I suppose someone who reads this ridiculous, melodramatic entry might think I'm honestly batty. I suppose I am BATTY.

I just don't understand. Is it true that when you grow up, your heart dies?
Or is it apathy just a cowardly white flag when life gets tough?
DEAL WITH IT, FIGHT FOR FEELINGS; NOT AGAINST THEM.                                          
                                                   

                                                                                                             dumb-asses.

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