When did I last speak to him?
What did we discuss? And just how many times have you spoken?
Also, why haven't you coaxed a conversation via [insert popular social network]?
These are the annoying and repetitive questions that circle my mind, of course only after having thought of him. What's interesting now though, is in the past when I was 'infatuated' with him the thought of him accompanied a daydreaming sigh or the instant desire to "be his." I look back now and think it disgusting and immature. I almost wish I could quarantine that parasite in my mind. I mean, of course it's normal to have feelings for someone but the fact that I nearly made it obvious...
Destruction.
Anyways, now I feel I've become hostile; the desire to know is demanding. This has always been a general aspect of my personality, wanting to know more, to be right. I hate to admit it but I suppose it has now become an obsession. I'm unsatisfied, feeling too insignificant to be a part of his world. To him, I'm only fifth business. To him i'm an over-dressed, plain-faced and un-insightful girl with a naive heart and impractical ambition. To him I am none of the above because I'm sure I'm not all that famous in his head. To him I'm a 2-dimensional shape, flat and lacking depth. To him I'm a void. To him, I may not be worth while.
However, I know that I am not shallow, I am not 2-dimensional, nor am I plain or un-insightful. I'm not ignorant nor am I intelligent but that's exactly proved by how eager I am to know him.
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