Hate Myself Inside and Out

Here's a semester, go fourth and learn the history of classical civilizations, study the math which it must've taken scholars over 400 years to develop, oh! And also write a fucking essay for your final drama assignment...isn't that a little much? And I forgot to mention, also read Fifth Business in 3 days whilst also keeping in mind that you have not finished your Hamlet essay or even started reading your book for your ISU where you must analyse your chosen novel using the Jungian and Freudian analysis.

I don't want to go to school, it is literally ruining the whole concept of learning for me.
I can't absorb all of this information in 5 months! It's all too much, and too much stuff I don't even care about! Well, I care about drama and writing for English but other than that...I fucking hate school.
I wish I could just focus on the things that I love to do, maybe I'd be more willing to do well if that were the case. Also, if I had some magical genie who could tell me what the hell I'm good at, what careers I should look into...'cause there is NO ONE in my ENTIRE school of 3200 STUDENTS AND 100 TEACHERS that could help me find my calling. Nope, it's all up to me to do all of this self-discovery AND while I'm juggling the knowledge of the whole world.

I must decide my future in a year. That's fucking ridiculous...not even a year...basically 5 months...
How am I supposed to figure out a blueprint for decades in 5 months?
Just a minute...decades?
That is a scary concept. I'm just beginning; no knowledge of the important things...
Decades from now I'll need to know about how to manage my taxes, bank accounts, a family, a house, an income, a mortgage, my salary, how to pay for my children's education for THEIR futures, my husband and our expenses.
I'm going to want to know how to cook, clean, do handy things for the house/apartment/condo, do the laundry, social skills, drive around places and know how to get there.
I'm freaking out.
I was "freaking-inside" but now...it's out. I'm done, toast! There's no way I'll get into Ryerson for English with my marks! There's no way I'll get a decent job and make a good, comfortable living with whatever job I can get from a Bachelor's degree.

I HATE HOW THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO.
I'm paralyzed because I know I don't want to do math because even when I try to understand it, I rarely understand it enough to do it on my own and even when I do, I can't retain it for very long.
And apparently this is supposed to be the "easy" math, people look at me like i'm a fucking idiot when I don't understand it.
I can't stand myself either now. This whole situation is just making me hate myself more and usually I hate myself for my physical appearance...
Well, now I hate myself inside and out.