Just Enough

A Penny for your thought?
Oh, I'm dreaming again
I'm in this scattered out
Fragile space

What's this word,
And this face
Is it pretend?
I need to erase
These skeptic beliefs

Trudging through,
one foot can reach very far
With a little trust
That just skimming by
Is not enough

To...The...Start
Not too foolish
To be, honestly
Completely immersed,
I could be worse
Just so happen to be better than
Just enough

In-depth

Cooooool your jets, Woman.
Jeez, I have to stop caring about what people think. Even if those people seem like they're planted so permanently in my life. In the end it only matters what I think and how I feel about myself. So let these posts make me appear as foolish, but one thing I've come to notice is that they're each the perfect cocktail of hopefulness, honesty and proving how I'm unashamed of who I am as a person. And that means alot to me. It's taken me such a long time to get to where I am now. And no matter how many times on-lookers or "permanent pedestrians" walk down the road of my life telling me that I'm twisting and changing...deep down I'll feel like the same girl who allowed ants to crawl all over her arm. The girl who sang with a tissue in her hand, attempting to clean the walls. The girl who's scared, but not a coward for showing it.

Express yourself.

Jumping to....Collisions!

I've been meaning to post this for a while!

I'll never know who that smile's for, through the camera lens.
And I'll never know what to believe out of what you say
Which thoughts coming from you are sent to me.
When it's all said, specifically
I'm breathing so I'm trying not to care.

I could only hope your regrets are few
Would it be asking for too much
To hope you have none?

Spill no lies from those lips
And think nothing about those dark hours
Cuz they're not yours
They're mine
That's the only thing I won't ever share with you
No, never again

Happy is the word
And it's all that matters for you
A transformation is coming along
with this all
Wrapped up in what we got
Caught up in your words
Tangled in myself
Breathing this
Fully immersed in
Stars
How will I ever forget?

I'm so far in,
that I'm not caring if you'll forget
tomorrow, it's your choice
You'll let me know
If the sparks fly just right
and the planets align
in a universe, we all miss.

Lonely minutes are just fine with me
And late nights and early mornings
Shine a light
Not too far in, no
I'm praying so
Not me again,
Not another fall.
Patience will make the call
The craziness of it all!

Night Raper

Staying up later than I should but it leaves my mind a chance to think freely. Burning the midnight oil for no reason in particular, for no reason of importance. At least there isn't a limit you could possibly exceed, if that were true i'd be saving these nights for hard times when typing up the last pages of an essay or assignment, project or lab report. It makes me wince just thinking about how soon, in just a month, school will win over me. I'll have no choice, and I hate it when I can't choose. Then again, I do appreciate it because it is only for the best and if everything were up to me...it would always be put off to tomorrow. Tomorrow, such a sick comfort! I truly do wish i didn't seek comfort in another day, the future. Funny it being that the long term future scares me to shits. Not knowing is pretty scary, maybe a little risky and depressing. Living in this neighbourhood, so close to my elementary school and the friends I have--or had--during those years of road hockey and water fights. It all seems so ridiculously simple now and our worries then were few. This is why they tell you not to look back, the nostalgia of it all. Missing the past doesn't help you move forward and why waste time at all thinking up the past when you could be planning or doing something in the present. It's a struggle for everyone now. Don't buy yourself another fancy car or tub of ben & jerry's ice cream, don't look at those old photo albums or tiny shorts that you hardly got to wear--they were your favourite! Stop holding onto material things and think! Challenge yourself, exercise your mind for goodness sake. Document it if you will because things are not people, they're not memories. Memories are what you've kept safe in your mind. These things that you've shared, moments and laughs, mix of emotion, that's all you'll ever need to have with someone or of something or some place. Those souvenirs are forgotten and thrown away, these thoughts are what you experienced and thought, in your mind they'll stay. Pictures don't have to justify memories to you what you've experience although the invention is a beautiful thing. But expand your mind like everyone else use to HAVE to. Paint a picture in your mind, furnish a journal entry so detailed and well thought that you'll put Anne Frank's diary to shame.

Expand those horizons.

Building on Falsa's Character Background

I have this whole idea where 'Falsa's' character is derived from the gene of a serial killer, Oleg Walker. This would have happened when Falsa's mother opted for a sperm donor. Somewhere throughout the process she got a faulty gene when there was a complication with the filtering system, to terminate this gene when it instead was left in the 'approved' section. This went unnoticed and it wasn't until Oleg Walker was arrested when they investigated the whole situation. As for Falsa, she discovers her 'true self' when a heart-to-heart with her 'BFF' turns into strangling and complete confusion. After Falsa explains how she has been feeling to her friend, she surprisingly decides to keep this quiet.

Falsa is known as a player, easy, flirty and a party animal. The HOTTEST guy in high school is Roman, the stereotypical jock. Her friends seem to think that Falsa BELONGS with him but that just proves how little they know her.

Genie

They told her she was useless and wouldn't amount to anything. She always refused. Up until the final point where she took her last stand and let herself fall to the edge.

Xane

A serial killer, tragedy event planner in the making. His mind and emotions are not controlled by him but by the voices of his past and the voices that creep his conscience. His schizophrenia was medicated but that won't stop them yet...it never will. They hunger tragedy and feed off of his violence.

Falsa

She is the loser. Visibly the opposite: social, popular, beautiful and slim. This may look like a typical case but when she's caught home alone at night, a feeling of emptiness and violence eats at her gut and she fights he nightmares that urge her to do terrible deeds. If she is not supervised carefully she may fall quickly. In silence.

Demon of Building Friendships: Exclusivity

It's so ironic how we forget our values within seconds. The most obvious thing to do but for some odd reason you don't do it. Maybe it just isn't important to you. This is so abnormal though, it's coming from the people that you thought would always do what is right and stay loyal.

Exclusivity, my friend.

Friends do not exclude each other unless these are concerns:

• Embarassing
• Humiliating--make fun of you
• Awkward and antisocial
• Opposite to your character
• Attention Grabber (if you don't like them)
• Not close enough to include
• Annoying, interrupt or disturbing

But I don't even fit ANY of those characteristics. So why am I being excluded? Especially from those who actually seem to enjoy being in my presence. I'm talking about people that might even CHERISH every moment they have with me. I just don't understand how they say they have a great time with me--I can see the sincerity in their eyes too--and yet they never reciprocate that. People have a hard time thinking in terms of being considerate. Include people in your lives if they mean something to you. It's the biggest insult to leave someone thinking that you have deceived them.